ROLE REVERSAL WITH ELDERLY PARENTS
When we are born, it’s our parents role to take care of us and help us grow. There is a role reversal with elderly parents when they hit their golden years and it’s that time when we take care of our parents and help them as they did with us. My mother-in-law lives about 1000 miles away and is 99 years old. She is basically house bound so to make sure she has the right foods, I order her groceries online from ShopRite and they deliver it right to her home. Being so far away, this is one way I can have a little piece of mind that she has food plus I always add extra “goodies” like her Golden Oreos, hot cocoa mix and ice cream. For 99 years old, her mind is very sharp and she still takes care of all own cooking, cleaning and laundry but her body is getting weak.
This past Thursday, she called crying and was all upset. I tried to calm her down so I could find our what the problem was but her hearing is not that great and just kept crying. Finally she calmed down and I asked her what was wrong, she said she was fine and sorry to bother me. I’ve told her over and over, she is never bothering me. After I hung up, I told hubby and we both agreed we needed to take a 1000 run to see her. We left early Friday morning for the 14 hour trip.
We didn’t tell her we were coming up and when we got to her home, she was so excited to see us. Then I found out the problem she had… she wanted her hair washed but since she can’t get out of the house and had no way to accomplish it. But I went prepared and took the blow drying and curling iron with me like I did the last time we visited.
It was so much fun taking Ma to the beauty shop in her kitchen! The first thing I did was brush her hair and I found a huge “rats nest” of tangled hair in the back where she sleeps on it. Now the one thing I didn’t take was a pair of scissor but I found a small pair of fingernail scissors to use. I knew it would be impossible to de-tangle it, so I cut a chuck from underneath off and was able to slowly remove all the tangles.
The next step was to trim the ends which I ended up cutting about 4″ off before I washed her hair. With just the tiny pair of fingernail scissors, I think it turned out quite well.
She can’t bend over the sink because of vertigo so I had her sit on the kitchen chair and made a waterproof cape from a trash bag! I cut a slit in the center and this kept her dry when pouring the water over her head. I thought this was quite ingenious since last year when I cut, washed and styled her hair, I used a towel and she was basically soaked by the time I was through. Hubby held a plastic dish pan at her neck and I poured the water over her tiny head to rinse the shampoo out. After I towel dried and brushed her hair, I got the blow dryer out and finished drying her hair, being careful not to have the heat on high because her skin is so thin and I didn’t want to burn her head.
Now it was time to style her hair with the curling iron. She kept telling me not to worry about curling it, but I didn’t listen! LOL For 99 years old, she has to most beautiful golden and white hair, hardly any grey at all.
When I completed giving her a new look, I took her picture and she was so happy she started crying again! But this time they were happy tears. Ma is such a sweet person and when I met my hubby 51 years ago, I fell in love with Ma also. I have always said if I had to pick another mother other than my own, it would definitely by my mother-in-law.
This is how I styled her hair just about a year ago, my how her hair had grown! I”m so glad I was able to make my mother-in-law happy and put a smile back on her beautiful face.
Rich and I were so happy that we made mom happy and turned her tears into happy tears and a smile.
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I hope you find someone who can check on her and help her with these things Martha! I need to do my Mom’s hair again too! I am Glad you went up there to help her! You folks have really been trucking the last month and a half!
We’ll have no problem finding someone to check up on her Katherine, the problem is having mom agree to it! She is so independent and feels she can do everything on her own. I am glad we are able to make her happy, she was so excited when I finished her hair. Such a small thing to do to put a smile on her face. Thanks for stopping by.
Ah, yes. I remember taking care of my grandparents (albeit less than my mom). But, I was with my mom for the last 90 days or so of her life, almost non-stop.
Role reversal clearly is in the offing for many of us.
I’m glad hubby and I are able to do this for her Roy. I keep reminding my granddaughter to get ready in a few years to do the same with us. LOL
My Mom is now 87 and has had declining health in the last 7 or so years. Until her late 70s, she could easily pass for a woman in her 60s, but with her health issues, she has ages dramatically. We’re speaking of a woman who used to drive herself to Florida every Winter.
She is stubborn and very opinionated and won’t do everything the doctor says she should do. She won’t ask anyone for help, either. She also believes that because of her age, her doctor no longer cares about how she’s doing. She’s had a few mini strokes and memory lapse episodes, but will never agree to go to the hospital.
I think she’s afraid that once she goes, she’ll never come home again. It’s sad and can be very frustrating. Sometimes, it’s like chastising a child. But what a full life she’s led. I sometimes feel like a lousy daughter because I don’t spend enough time with her. But she carries on and refuses to give up.
OMG, that sounds just like my mother-in-law! Every time I suggest she call they doctor she says the same thing. It’s sad when our loved ones start declining, we know what the next step is but I’m so glad Rich and I are able to do what we can to make her happy. Thanks for visiting Jane!
She is so wonderful And did I say lovely
I think mom was very happy to see us Rich.