It Will Take Time
This is something I’ve never gone through and I don’t know how to handle it. At times I think I’m doing okay but other times I’m falling apart. I think of the past 59 years together and how we were so excited to be close to 60 years. We had a lot of love and memories and I’m trying to have those memories keep me going but it will take time.
It’s hard when something triggers me, like yesterday I glanced at his magnetic board by his computer and I saw one of the cute little cards he wrote for my 70th birthday. Nothing fancy but written with love.
When Alex and Lia are over, they keep me going but I know I also have to be strong for them. The hugs I get from Lia just melts my heart and all the pain and sadness goes away…until they go home.
At times I’m angry, wondering why and how come. Was there something I could have done, was there a sign somewhere that I missed? My mind is all over the place with questions but no answers. I need to stay busy and the past few days that’s what I’ve been doing. My daughter is coming back for a week in June and I’m so looking forward to that. She’s going to check on my de-clutter projects. I need to start in small areas so I can keep focused. So Monday I worked in the downstairs half bath.
I took everything out from under the sink, organized my homemade storage buckets and found so many bandaids scattered all around. When Lia needed one she would decide which box she wanted to open and ended up with many. LOL
I tossed anything that was almost gone or we hadn’t used since last time I re-organized. I ended up with an entire kitchen trash bag filled with stuff I don’t know why I saved. But after I completed my cleaning I felt so good to have one room totally done even though it was a small one. I even sent my daughter a picture of my accomplishments!
Tuesday I was right back in my rut most of the day until my neighbor Judy popped in. She seems to know the perfect time to visit. I made chocolate milkshakes and we just sat sipping them and chatting. Both my daughter and granddaughter and now Judy told me I have to start eating so since I had three gang up on me I made tuna melts on mini Hawaiian rolls. They were delicious and I guess I didn’t realize I was hungry until I started eating them.
Since I don’t sleep well I decided to organize the bottom shelf in the pantry where Lia stores her baking pans. It was about 8:30 PM and figured I’d be done by 9. Well once I started, I ended up re-organizing and sorting everything in the pantry! I had one large trash bag filled with outdated items, I mean WAY outdated, like from 2022! They get pushed to the back when I add new things and then I forget what we have. I ended up with 2 large trash bags filled, our cardboard recycling box filled along with our filled bottles and cans recycling box.
I lost track of time since I was so into getting the pantry organized and when I got done it was 11:30pm! It took me three hours on a small pantry but it’s done and I can’t wait until my daughter sees it all organized.
As I looked in the garage I had 2 large trash bags, 2 kitchen trash bags plus a my cardboard recycling box waiting to go in the car. I already had two other recycling boxes in the back hatch so wasn’t sure if everything would fit but I crammed some in the back seat and double decked some in the back hatch.
Wednesday morning Snowball and I took everything to the recycling center and what a great feeling that was.
Yesterday I only did a super small project, I organized the medicine cabinet. Yes the candy on the bottom shelf is the best medicine at times. I wish there was some place to take new, unopened medicine, I’m sure there are people who can’t afford medicine and food so they have to chose one. I have some many full bottles of Rich’s RA medicine that will just be discarded when I return it to the pharmacy.
I find I need to stay busy especially when I’m alone. I know it will take time but I will get through this, I just don’t know when or how long it will take. I’m taking it day by day knowing that Rich is watching over and guiding me along my new path.
Decluttering is very helpful to get the mind busy .Hugs Martha.It’s the memories which are so beautiful and painful at the same time.Its okay to miss your best friend and husband and he is missing you right back.
Thank you Amrita, yes why is it that beautiful memories can also be so painful? Rich was indeed my best friend.
Much love Martha. You are doing great, it’s never easy when you lose someone you love. Huge hugs an kisses.
Thank you so much Brenda, I’m trying so hard to be strong especially when my family is around. Hugs back to you!
Martha, I thought Lia lived with you! Are you alone?? That was such a beautiful card from Rich. I’m so sorry you two didn’t make it to 60. And still just so sorry for your loss and your pain. Please don’t put any pressure on yourself to “be okay.” It’s way way way too soon to even think like that. Please reach out when you feel lonely. We all love you!
Alex and Lia live about 1/2 mile from me but they are over almost every day. My daughter from Virginia comes has already made numerous trips down also. I couldn’t have gotten through this without either of them Jeanine .
Martha, what is MN, on the label in the storage closet? My husband passed 2 years and 8 months ago, and I am still clearing and reorganizing! And grieving. So take your time, and take those energy spurts when you get them. About band-aids: I have been finding more boxes of them around the house! I finally just dumped them all into one band-aid box and am gradually using them all at different times. 🙂 No need to restock those for awhile. I am so proud of you for all you are taking on, as energy allows. Our church’s grief group– mostly widows– has been very helpful for me. Do you have a grief group? Love and hugs–
I am so far behind on replying Kebba! The MN is how I keep track of the meds, I store the morning on one side and the night time ones on the other. The center bottles are for both morning and night. Just need a shoe box and morning for my organizing of the meds. We do have a grief group but I’m trying to get through this on my own. Maybe someday I’ll get brave and check it out. Hugs and love back to you.
I admire your energy, Martha. I’d probably just sit around and cry.
Love the bathroom vabinet with the sealife themed items like the starfish.
Aren’t there charities who are allowed to redistribute meds? As you’re saying, it’s a shame if these unopened containers just go to waste.
I’m glad you have Lia and Snowball for hugs and cuddles ♥
Thanks Tamara, I do sit around and have my crying days. But my family is here for my and I have to be strong so I can be there for them.
Sending you a big hug.
Thanks Amanda, I needed that hug.