Home Health Aide for Mother in Law

Finding a Home Health Aide for Mother in Law

This is my journey of trying to get a home health aide for mother in law both for helping her and keeping my sanity. Trying to get my 100-year-old mother-in-law to accept the fact that she needs someone to help her with her daily activities has not been easy at all. The one setback is mom is hard of hearing so trying to communicate with her is a challenge. The other challenge is, mom is in upstate New York and we are 1200 miles away in South Carolina. Moving to another state was out of the question for her, Schenectady has been her home forever and that’s where she wanted to stay.  So in July, we finally moved her from her second story apartment to a beautiful new independent living apartment where she has done all her housekeeping, cooking and even writing her checks on her own.

 

She did agree to going but wasn’t happy.  It’s hard for someone her age to make change.  But once we had her all moved in, got everything new from furniture, bedding, drapes and a refrigerator full of food, mom excepted that this was her new home. Our daughter came up to visit and brought her new dishes, utensils and a tea kettle since her old was SO OLD!!  Little by little mom became adjusted to her beautiful apartment.

 

The fun part for hubby and me is when we took a break from setting up her apartment and we went to the store with shopping carts in hand and piled them with whatever we could fit in them.  I felt like I was on a shopping spree for a college student setting up their dorm room!

 

In September we went back up and gave her a surprise 100th birthday party and she was so happy.  As the months went by, she became very unhappy but every time I mentioned about having an aide come in she would tell me she doesn’t need any help.  Because her mind is fairly sharp, we could not go against her wishes.

In December her older son that lived with her went into the hospital with breathing problems and came home with a C-pap machine.  He wouldn’t use it so of course he ended back in the hospital.  After coming home again, he would order mom to get him out of bed, put him in a wheel chair and push him to the bathroom. That was next to impossible for a 75 pound 100-year-old.  He had been so controlling and verbally abusive to her before but it was getting out of hand.  When she called crying because he threw the phone at her or kicked her walker away from her, that was the last straw.  I called his case worker and promised I would call the police the next time mom called and she was crying with him yelling in the background.  I didn’t have to do that because he ended up in the hospital again for not using his breathing machine.  Thankfully they moved him to a long-term nursing home facility so I didn’t have to worry about his abusive ways towards mom.  Now mom was beside herself, partly blaming herself for the end results of her son and partly because she was scared.  My granddaughter who lives a few towns over and works from 4AM – 4PM would go over to visit after picking up her children from school to visit and tidy things up.  Also my out-of-state daughter would have a few of her friends pop in from time to time but I knew mom needed to be on a schedule.  I asked her again if I could get her some help to come in, even it was to just visit with her.  Surprisingly she reluctantly agreed that she needed help.  So I started making phone calls to all the Senior programs in the area to get her set up with a home health aide.  That was easier said that done.  I would call one, they would put me through to someone else, than another and so on down the line.  After about a month I finally got someone to call me back!  I was given the name of an agency called “Daughter’s For Hire” where they go in and do what ever is needed.  I called and patiently waited for them to call back, but that didn’t happen.  No call to set something up, not even a call to say they are filled up.  So after calling agency after agency from the county trying to get them to even call back to set up an aide for mother-in-law, one called back a few weeks ago. Then she passed it on to someone else who never called back.

 

Then an Angel on earth appeared!  It seems like the daughter of one of our long time friends is a private duty home health aide and I never know it!  I called her last week and she started this week!  She want over Tuesday and again today and ma LOVES her! She went over and above what her “normal” duties should have been. On Tuesday she was going to do the laundry but the machine to get the payment card (it doesn’t take money) was out-of-order. The person at the desk said it should be fixed in a few days. So what does this aide do? She take the laundry home and does it at her house! She brought it back today all folded! She also cleaned the entire apartment, straightened drawers, took out the trash and added room fresheners in ever room. The other thing she saw was one of the closets was full of grocery bags, over a hundred but they were right next to the hot water heater. She got rid of all the bags and left a few under her sink.  Mom is always giving people things and she had a $15 Price Chopper card she gave to the aide because she couldn’t use it, telling her to get something good for her family. So what does the aide do? She bought juice, fruit and goodies and brought to mom today. I’m so glad mother-in-law finally agreed to having someone go in a few days a week. She now has something to look forward to and is so happy when the aide arrives.

Mom uses a walker and is afraid to go for walks be herself so she just sits in the apartment but today Lori and her walked to the lobby for her mail and sat in the lobby for a while.

So now for two days a week, 3 hours a day mom will look forward to having her new friend stop and visit. Mom called when she left both Tuesday and today and was so excited, letting me know she loved her and can’t wait until Tuesday when she would be back.

This aide is the most kind, caring, loving and helpful person and it eases my mind knowing that mom is happy. She is truly an Angel on earth! If you are ever in this situation, you have to be persistent, hold your tongue at times and know you are doing what’s best for your loved ones.